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Date dudes

CHARLIE; Hey Joe, can you tell me something?

JOE; What’s that?

CHARLIE; I screwed up a date.

JOE; How?

CHARLIE; I came late, so she turned me down.

JOE [smiled]; So what did you do?

CHARLIE; I apologized, but...

JOE; You what!?

CHARLIE; I apologized.

JOE; Why did?

CHARLIE; I screwed up.

JOE; Ok, so did she forgive you?

CHARLIE; nope, she was head-strong.

JOE; That is why you shouldn’t apologize without knowing whom you are about to date. Where did you debug her?

CHARLIE; Debug?

JOE; Yeah, debug.

CHARLIE; Why debug?

JOE; Cause you just dug her out from somewhere.

CHARLIE; What are you talking about?

JOE; She have no respect for you, not even for the first day. I mean, how did you come in contact with such a mentally retarded person?

CHARLIE; On tagged.com.

JOE; Did you have a nice chat with her, before proposing to date her?

CHARLIE; Yeah.

JOE; The why did she just turn you down because you where late? By the way, hour 

many minutes late?

CHARLIE; Six.

JOE; Did she call you and ask you if you are still coming when you were late? I mean, did you give her your phone number?

CHARLIE; Yeah, I gave her.

JOE; What was the chat you had with her?

CHARLIE; We talked about our family background and some dirty things.

JOE; And you did not bother asking her about her likes and dislikes, or what she hates most about dating before proposing to date her arse?

CHARLIE; I forgot.

JOE; Or you thought it was not necessary?

CHARLIE; Jes...I forgot.

JOE; So what did you want?

CHARLIE; I want to know how to date almost any female.

JOE; During online chat, be sure not to forget about asking her about her likes and dislikes, if she is not precise, than you have to make her be by asking her about her dating nightmare or likes and dislikes.

CHARLIE; Ok.

JOE; How dirty was your chat?

CHARLIE; I gave her nice answers to her questions and...

JOE; You gave her precise answers?

CHARLIE; Yeap.

JOE; You failed.

CHARLIE; How!?

JOE; You have to keep her suspended, she have to figure out the precise answers from your blunt and indirect replies or answers. And don’t permit her ask you too many questions, you ask her too many questions; control the game kid. Talk with her like she is your kid sister, approach her she is your best friend, make her feel relax and wanton.

CHARLIE; Hey, can I get some examples?

JOE; Sure, you may want to ask her these questions, “what is your real name”, if her profile, yahoo or windows ID is some kind of a nick name, stuff like that. ”where are you from”, if you don’t know; “tell me about you”, “tell me about your family”, “how old are you?”, if it is not in her profile; “what’s your height?”, “what’s your burst size?”...I mean, things like that turns most of them on.

CHARLIE; Really?

JOE; Yeah, really. And as she gives the answers, you try to make jokes with it, try to make her happy, laugh. I mean, try to make her want to meet you, she might even propose to date you before you do. And you can as well try to offend her to see her reaction.

CHARLIE; Hey dude, I want examples. Be real with me.

JOE; When she tells you her height, if she is short, then you can say “wow, looks like your short”, “hell no!, you are my the only short friend I have”. If she is tall, then you can do it in the reverse. Or you might want to make those jokes with her burst size...

CHARLIE; That would be sexy.

JOE; You see, try to be a man here. After you must have made all these jokes and dirty things, even after offending her and apologizing politely, she would not turn you down on the date thing.

CHARLIE; How do I apologize politely?

JOE; Jes...come on! Are you twisted now?

CHARLIE; No! I am not.

JOE; You look sick.

CHARLIE; If you don’t stop all those horse shit, I am going to tear that textbook apart now.

JOE; Are you threatening me?

CHARLIE; It looks that way.

JOE; Dude, haven’t you apologized to a girl before, I mean, looking into her eyes and saying “I am sorry”. You should do that, as if you are looking into her eyes from that chat conversation. If you put yourself in that shoes, you will do some wonderful and fantastic apology, even with your own words.

CHARLIE; So what should I do to get her back?

JOE; Don’t be a kid. Move on, get another date-mate.

CHARLIE; What if she comes back?

JOE; TO chat with you, or date you?

CHARLIE; Both.

JOE; She is always welcomed to chat with you, but not to screw you up again on that date thing; she’s going to make you look as if you are desperate to date her.

April 4, 2010.

Hey guys, I was unable to post the plays for the last Sundays April 4 because of my tests and assessments in school. Thanks for your understanding :)

Cougar, Sugar mum, MILF....whatever.

BEN; Hey guys, I just came across this word "MILF", what does it mean?


CHARLIE; Are you sure you want to know?


JOE; I don't think he wants to know.


BEN; I just asked.


CHARLIE; Mum I Like To F*ck.


BEN; What!?


JOE; That is it.


BEN; That is what?


CHARLIE; MILF!


BEN; Ok, that's funny.


JOE; Really?


BEN; Yeah.


CHARLIE; Why are you asking?


BEN; A lady is asking me out, when I tried to know why, she told me she likes me. After some few discussions, she then told me that she is a MILF.


JOE; Why didn't you ask her what she meant?


BEN; I don't think I should.


CHARLIE; You just played like you know what she meant.


BEN; Yeah. So what do you guys think?


JOE; You are fine.


CHARLIE; What!?


BEN; What do she actually want?


JOE; She wants something deep, real deep.


CHARLIE; I think the meaning of MILF just told you.


BEN; Wow, wow, wow, I don't get it.


JOE; Get what, dude!?


CHARLIE; You will be her sex provider.


BEN; What do you mean "sex provider"?


JOE; You will always be there when she is wet.


BEN; Always?


CHARLIE; Yeah, it is going to be your occupation.


BEN; A "sex provider"?


JOE; Yeah, you sound new.


BEN; But I see many guys like us date such older lady, is it that thse ladies are all on this MILF thing?


CHARLIE; Nope.


JOE; Some are cougars and some are nanny.


BEN; Only?


CHARLIE; Nope, those are the few popular one around here.


BEN; Ok. But I thought a cougar is an animal in the cat family.


JOE; Yeah, me too.


CHARLIE; But it's not.


JOE; It is an older lady also, but this time not bent on sex.


BEN; But she wants it?


CHARLIE; Yeah.


BEN; So what is she bent on?


CHARLIE; She just wants a younger lover...


JOE; A cub, some call it.


CHARLIE; ...to love and to pamper and to touch her, sometimes.


BEN; And a nanny?


CHARLIE; She is such a lady, but spends more money on you like she is buying you off.


BEN; They are cool.


JOE; Yeah, I think so.


CHARLIE; You should be asking which is the coolest.


BEN; Then which is the coolest?


JOE; A nanny.


CHARLIE; A cougar.


BEN; Then what is wrong with the MILF? I think I like that one.


CHARLIE; You want to be a f*cklicant, right?


BEN; Yeah.


JOE; You should note that they all are f*ckalbe.


CHARLIE; Yeah.


BEN; Can I get a recap?


CHARLIE; Yeah, I think so.


JOE; They are all above 40.


CHARLIE; The cougar ranges from 40 to 47; location depends.


JOE; The MILF ranges from 40 to infinity.


BEN; Wow, that's deep.


CHARLIE; Sounds like you have an aim.


JOE; The nanny ranges the same as for the cougar.


BEN; So, what about appearing with them on a social event?


CHARLIE; It sounds good, it looks good and it feels good.


JOE; Everyone will be forced to see you as a big guy, a kick arse dude.


BEN; This sounds kinky.


CHARLIE; Hey guy.


BEN; Yeah.


CHARLIE; Give her the green light.


BEN; Sure.

Pussy Cats in Kuching

Charlie; Hey man.

Joe; Hey.

Charlie; You are scarce.

Joe; Yeah, just hunting.

Charlie; Hunting what?

Joe; Pussy cats.

Charlie; Pussy cats!?

Joe; Yeah.

Charlie; What for?

Joe; Pleasures, you know.

Charlie [smile]; Pleasures.

Joe; Yeah.

Charlie; What kind of pleasures.

Joe; We are in Kuching, right?

Charlie; Of course.

Joe; And there are lots of pussy cats here.

Charlie; Yeap

Joe; then go do some hunting.

Charlie; Get this hunting thing straight, please.

Joe; You know what a p*ssy is?

Charlie; Jesus yes!

Joe; These girls are cats and they’ve got p*ssies.

Charlie; Oh!

Joe; Yeah. There are lots of animal cats here, and so are there lots of pussy cats here.

Charlie; So before I get to the p*ssy, I must get to the cat?

Joe; Not the cat, the pussy cat , dude!

Charlie; Oh the pussy cat. So how many have you tracked down?

Joe; I can’t really count cause I don’t keep records. Three, four, a week.

Charlie; Wow, you are really deep in this pussy cat hunting thing.

Joe; Yeah.

Charlie; Do you hunt older or younger pussy cats or both?

Joe; Hey, dude! A pussy cat is a pussy cat; and I don’t mind the colour either.

The lift

[On Charlie's way to school]

Jane; Hey Charlie.

Charlie; Hi Jane. Want a lift?

Jane; No thanks.

Charlie; You are trekking.

Jane; Yeah, I know.

Charlie; Why not come in and feel at home?

Jane; This same thing happened the last time and you screwed up.

Charlie; Yeah, I know. It won't happen again.

Jane; Promise?

Charlie; Yeah, I think so.

Jane; No, don't think, just tell me.

Charlie; No, it won't happen again.

Jane; Ok [Entered his car]

[On thier way]

Charlie; So....

Jane; So what?

Charlie; I mean, where am I going to drop you?

Jane; Hello, this is Monday morning, it is school hour. We go to the same school.

Charlie; God, I almost forgot.

Jane [taking a deep breathe]; Really?

Charlie; Yeah. What is that smell?

Jane; What smell?

Charlie; It smells like chicken.

Jane; Where is it coming from?

Charlie; Your position...bring your hand.

Jane; What?

Charlie; Your hand, Chika.

[She did as he said]

Charlie; Wow! Did you do that?

Jane; Do what?

Charlie; Hey, you are not talking to a kid, or a kindagating arsehole. I am a grown arse idiot. I have done this thing before, to many girls.

Jane; Done what?

Charlie; Did you do yourself?

Jane; Do myself what!?

Charlie; Alright, relax. Did you do that?

Jane; Alright, I did.

Charlie; That is awesome! That smells nice, makes me want to eat you.

Jane; You will never see that chance.

Charlie; Really?

Jane; Yeah, really.

Charlie; But how did you do it?

Jane; I was trying to know something about my...

Charlie; ...thing?

Jane; Yeah. I decided to go down on myself.

Charlie; Was it sweet?

Jane; Yeah.

Charlie; I mean, for you doing yourself.

Jane; Not all that. I am not a lesbian.

Charlie; Why not we forget about class and hook-up?

Jane; What! This is just a new dawn, we still have tonight.

Charlie; Really?

Jane; Yeah. How good is he.

Charlie; He is nice.

Jane; How nice, pretty boy?

Charlie; He is bold and strong.

Jane; Like a hose?

Charlie; Yeah, like a hose, a big one.

Jane; How big.

Charlie; I am not a sexologist, so I can't measure it.

Jane; But you want to be my doctor tonight?

Charlie; Of course.

Jane; How big is the hose, fireman?

Charlie; Just calm down. All you have to know now is that is it big enough to put out your fire.

Jane; After class....

Charlie; Yeah, after class. Wow! I still have math.

Jane; Do you want to loose your patient?

Charlie; No, miss.

Jane; Its after class.

[On Charlie's way to school]

Jane; Hey Charlie.

Charlie; Hi Jane. Want a lift?

Jane; No thanks.

Charlie; You are trekking.

Jane; Yeah, I know.

Charlie; Why not come in and feel at home?

Jane; This same thing happened the last time and you screwed up.

Charlie; Yeah, I know. It won't happen again.

Jane; Promise?

Charlie; Yeah, I think so.

Jane; No, don't think, just tell me.

Charlie; No, it won't happen again.

Jane; Ok [Entered his car]

[On thier way]

Charlie; So....

Jane; So what?

Charlie; I mean, where am I going to drop you?

Jane; Hello, this is Monday morning, it is school hour. We go to the same school.

Charlie; God, I almost forgot.

Jane [taking a deep breathe]; Really?

Charlie; Yeah. What is that smell?

Jane; What smell?

Charlie; It smells like chicken.

Jane; Where is it coming from?

Charlie; Your position...bring your hand.

Jane; What?

Charlie; Your hand, Chika.

[She did as he said]

Charlie; Wow! Did you do that?

Jane; Do what?

Charlie; Hey, you are not talking to a kid, or a kindagating arsehole. I am a grown arse idiot. I have done this thing before, to many girls.

Jane; Done what?

Charlie; Did you do yourself?

Jane; Do myself what!?

Charlie; Alright, relax. Did you do that?

Jane; Alright, I did.

Charlie; That is awesome! That smells nice, makes me want to eat you.

Jane; You will never see that chance.

Charlie; Really?

Jane; Yeah, really.

Charlie; But how did you do it?

Jane; I was trying to know something about my...

Charlie; ...thing?

Jane; Yeah. I decided to go down on myself.

Charlie; Was it sweet?

Jane; Yeah.

Charlie; I mean, for you doing yourself.

Jane; Not all that. I am not a lesbian.

Charlie; Why not we forget about class and hook-up?

Jane; What! This is just a new dawn, we still have tonight.

Charlie; Really?

Jane; Yeah. How good is he.

Charlie; He is nice.

Jane; How nice, pretty boy?

Charlie; He is bold and strong.

Jane; Like a hose?

Charlie; Yeah, like a hose, a big one.

Jane; How big.

Charlie; I am not a sexologist, so I can't measure it.

Jane; But you want to be my doctor tonight?

Charlie; Of course.

Jane; How big is the hose, fireman?

Charlie; Just calm down. All you have to know now is that is it big enough to put out your fire.

Jane; After class....

Charlie; Yeah, after class. Wow! I still have math.

Jane; Do you want to loose your patient?

Charlie; No, miss.

Jane; Its after class.